This list is not meant to bring you down. It is for me. Every now and then I have to look at the list to help me understand who I am. My photography is another manifestation of this list. This is a list of things that I suffer from as well as things done to me.
Abuse as a child physically and mentally.
My blog is more of a journal of my life so far. A cathartic journey if you will. I hope all of you understand.
This is how I see myself. A distorted image of a “real” person.
Damaged goods. A discarded shell of my former self.
Alone and fighting for my right to exist. I want to believe that I am not the only one dealing with these issues and quietly suffering because of them.
This first image was captured by my wife, Mary, during one of her walks. I think it’s beautiful but I am, you know…
This next series were taken just yesterday as the hot, humid air over NYC decided to get into it with a big amount of cold, drier air from the wrong side of town. If you look closely at two of the images you will see aircraft trying to avoid the fight. The first image is the demarcation line between the two air masses…I think?
Today,not only will I be turning the age of 50 but I will also be 7 years clean of a drink and/or a drug. I have to be honest that I never expected to reach either one. I lost so much but gained at the same time. Am I where I want to be in life? No. Do I struggle every day with what might have been? Yes. Given what I know now would I have done it differently if allowed to? I don’t know. I am happy that I did start taking photos and sharing them with others. I guess, like many others, it is a form of therapy. That’s my story so far and I’m sticking to it.
It feels so liberating to be able to just post pictures, be part of something bigger than myself, all the while enjoying the positive energy vibe. Very glad I took this chance.
Who would have thought that over the rainbow was…New York City?!
Trying to clean a cooking oil spill with a paper towel, a color change and voila! Instant silliness!
We live in a world where communication across great distances is near instantaneous but to someone standing right next to you a near impossibility. I started doing photography because for many years I felt like I never had a voice. That no one cared about what I had to say. Now, with this blog, I feel free to say what I want and to create the images that continue to make me a very grateful person.
In the past I used drugs & alcohol to numb myself, shield myself from the big, bad world. The world is still pretty big & bad but now I choose to meet it head on. No safety gear. Life on life’s terms.
I’ve been going through some old images and thought why not share them. It’s been photography that has kept me sane and sober for almost 7 years.
A little creative use of color and a floor of concrete becomes a Mars landscape.
I’ve only used a fraction of the tricks in my photo manipulation software. I love being creative again because I spent so much time being self-destructive I thought I had forgotten what it felt like.
We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
T. S. Eliot
This is my first experience with trying to run a blog and to be honest I never had faith in any of my photos. I am truly grateful to have continued the work and to complete the course. So many great people and positive energy. Now I have to see what I will post next. Thanks again.